It's a new day.

The One Mistaken Day

So I write this not knowing the future. But I could somehow guess what it will look like or how it will turn out.

When I become that person you guessed not of, please do not judge me. 

They say in those times of horror (my attacks) its not me. It is some kind of 'demon' who takes over me.

I can't breathe, I can't see anything...the future. So the question is: Is the future worth it? 

I guess the answer depends on the person and 'their' story. 

For me, at the moments of my uncontrolled possessing, the future isn't worth a dime. At the moment, all I want is to go away. For the self made torture to leave my innocent soul. 

I guess what I long for is everlasting inner peace. Comedy wouldn't hurt. 

Recently, I can say I hit my rock bottom but also achieved the best of the greatest. 

With help, this under rated, extremely heavy word called life seems somewhat manageable. 

But I can't promise anything just yet. I still have some discoveries to make and self searching to do.

I just want to say~ When the 'demon' (attacks) has eventually fully taken over me and I successfully fulfill my goal at the moment (die), it will be a mistaken day. A day where the true victoria was over powered by the will of something strangely unknown. 

~This world, this life is a strange, random, unknown place. And I respect that.

Another statistic, Victoria Coraline Song

Things Happen for a reason

We've all heard the saying " Things happen for a reason". I think I hear it so much that I forget the true authentic meaning in it. But with the smell of a beautful changing season, things are definately altering in a good and bad way in the life of mine. And I'm beginning to believe that stuff happen for a reason.
You didnt get that car you wanted when you wanted it, for a reason.
You didnt get into your first choice university,...for a reason.
I honestly wonder who is creating this reason in my life, and in everyone's.
What is this mystical, supernatural, or even evident person/creature in all of our lives that is writing down these reasons for us. Something to ponder upon.

All in all, what I've learned from all my 18 years of living, is that waiting is good.

When you least expect it

All this time (roughly about 6 months) I saw no hope in life. It looked like nothing good was happening to me. I did not see any light~ but now my perspective has changed...again

I hate when 'life' does this to me. Whenever I think I've found my purpose and meaning of life, something happens and it changes everything.
When I least expect anything good to happen, It does.
But I guess thats why it can be labeled 'good', cause it happens rarely.
Now I see the light, this sense of a goal. I like this feeling!
But I know that I'm going to hit my rock bottom again~ which is something I honestly don't like.
~(like miley sings) I just gotta keep going!~
Who knows whats going to happen, right.

The relevance between college and the future

          Through the fate of the Gods, or something equally supernatural, it seems as though it has been decided that I would not follow the path of the majority. Instead, they decided that I would walk along a labyrinth that has millions of outlets to something unknown. I have been given the freedom of decision. And this is what scares the wits out of me. Decisions are suppose to be a privilege, but to me its a burden. From this, I must think, use my brain, become a human being. This life style of humanity, is not easy.
            Did anyone ever wonder, maybe I'm not ready for the world just yet. I do not remember signing a contract coming out of my mother's stomach. Instead, I just popped out and was let into the world. Just thrown into the jungle without any preparation. What a fair world, don't you think?
           So I walked along this one path and it led up to now. Now, this exact very moment. I see everyone in my grade, senior 2011, getting accepted into colleges and even having the choice to deny some of them. Then I look at my journey ahead...I see nothing. Trust me and you, having the will to get up every morning when two colleges denied you takes lots of courage for a sensitive soul like, I.
           Here I am, having made my decision of making a right turn in my maze, that the Gods made just for me, lucky me. Now, I am at the end of the one path I chose out of a million and darn it leads to nowhere. I must start all over again.
          This is the relevance to my high schooler not in college yet life. It seems as though I went the wrong path and now I don't know where to begin again.
          But with advice from people I respect to the greatest, I have decided to get a new pair of eyes.
**The whole time I did not go the wrong path. In fact, there was no made path for me. I was and am creating one right now as I go along this journey that may or may not end at any given second.
    Of course I am frighten by the thought of being an individual and not a robot. But secretly, I'm very excited.
yours truly, Coraline

My future I can't foresee

I can't see my future but I can dream about it.